I cannot stand cold weather, especially when it comes to car rider duty at school. It has been absolutely frigid the past couple of days. And yesterday I forgot a hat, scarf and gloves, so that didn't help at all.
Even though I don't like cold weather, I absolutely love winter food. Chicken and dumplings, chili, any type of soup. All of that makes me happy. There is nothing like a good bowl of soup in front of a fire. It truly is little things that bring joy during busy lives. I need to remember to be thankful for the little things.
Kyle and I are up to verse seven in Psalm 34. It's funny when God actually brings scripture to mind that you have memorized. (I don't know why I am always surprised by that. Of course, Jessica, that's one of the ways the Holy Spirit works.) I've used those verses at several different points this week. In particular, I've used verse 4, "I sought the Lord and he answered me. He delivered me from all my fears." I've had some fears lately, but I have confidence that God will deliver me from those fears as long as I'm seeking him.
God is good. God loves me. God loves you. God is going to deliver you from all your fears.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
money
I wish money was not a source of stress for me. I wish Kyle and I had more money to give away. It's hard to know the difference between giving to the point of faith and being foolish.
But, God is the provider. He's the source of our income. He is the one that tells us how to budget our money. I've got to trust God to show us how to divide the money. That's an issue of trust. It's a learning process. I'm glad that God's a good teacher.
But, God is the provider. He's the source of our income. He is the one that tells us how to budget our money. I've got to trust God to show us how to divide the money. That's an issue of trust. It's a learning process. I'm glad that God's a good teacher.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Fun, fun, fun
We have a dog, Moses, who we just got on the first of December. We have another dog, Timber, who is four and a half. We were worried that Timber might not be accepting of Moses. But it has brought so much joy to our lives to have both of these dogs around. We laugh at them all the time.
My parents bought Moses for us in Canton. When we were getting in the car to take him home we discovered that he was born the same day we had the miscarriage. I'm not really superstitious (I'm just a little stitious, for all you fans of "The Office"). I just think that we needed joy, and it was a reminder that God provides joy in the midst of difficulty and sadness.
I think that Kyle and I need to post a video of Moses chasing Timber around the house. It's hilarious. Maybe it would bring a little bit of joy to someone else.
My parents bought Moses for us in Canton. When we were getting in the car to take him home we discovered that he was born the same day we had the miscarriage. I'm not really superstitious (I'm just a little stitious, for all you fans of "The Office"). I just think that we needed joy, and it was a reminder that God provides joy in the midst of difficulty and sadness.
I think that Kyle and I need to post a video of Moses chasing Timber around the house. It's hilarious. Maybe it would bring a little bit of joy to someone else.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Being Healthy
Last night when Kyle was saying our blessing over our food, he prayed that God would help us be more healthy, physically and spiritually. That spiritual part surprised me, but it shouldn't have.
Every new year most people make New Year's resolutions. I don't know the exact statistics, but I'm sure an abundance of people decide that this will be the year that they start working out or lose weight. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that's a bad thing. That's a great thing. I'm trying to get back on track myself. But in the midst of trying to eat better and work out more, I sometimes forget that my spiritual health is just as important.
On New Year's Eve Kyle and I played cards with my parents. He asked everyone if they had any goals for 2008. I said I wanted to increase my vocabulary (that's such a dorky teachery thing to say). My mom wants to read her Bible more. Kyle said he wanted to memorize more Scripture. Kyle and I actually started that night, but haven't really worked on it together since. We decided to start with Psalm 34. Our verse that we chose as the purpose for our marriage is Psalm 34:3, so we decided the rest of the chapter might be a great place to start.
It honestly frustrates me that I'm not good at focusing my attention on many things. I want to be a great wife, I want to eat healthy, I want to exercise, I want to be a great teacher, and so many more things. It's like I have life focus ADD. I think that if I just made it my goal each and every day to glorify God, then my other priorities would take shape.
Even if I was in the best shape of my life and eating right, but I wasn't glorifying God, I wouldn't be a healthy person. This year I do want to be healthy. I want to be an active individual who eats right. But I also want to be someone who is obviously loving God and glorifying Him. That's a true sign of health.
Every new year most people make New Year's resolutions. I don't know the exact statistics, but I'm sure an abundance of people decide that this will be the year that they start working out or lose weight. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that's a bad thing. That's a great thing. I'm trying to get back on track myself. But in the midst of trying to eat better and work out more, I sometimes forget that my spiritual health is just as important.
On New Year's Eve Kyle and I played cards with my parents. He asked everyone if they had any goals for 2008. I said I wanted to increase my vocabulary (that's such a dorky teachery thing to say). My mom wants to read her Bible more. Kyle said he wanted to memorize more Scripture. Kyle and I actually started that night, but haven't really worked on it together since. We decided to start with Psalm 34. Our verse that we chose as the purpose for our marriage is Psalm 34:3, so we decided the rest of the chapter might be a great place to start.
It honestly frustrates me that I'm not good at focusing my attention on many things. I want to be a great wife, I want to eat healthy, I want to exercise, I want to be a great teacher, and so many more things. It's like I have life focus ADD. I think that if I just made it my goal each and every day to glorify God, then my other priorities would take shape.
Even if I was in the best shape of my life and eating right, but I wasn't glorifying God, I wouldn't be a healthy person. This year I do want to be healthy. I want to be an active individual who eats right. But I also want to be someone who is obviously loving God and glorifying Him. That's a true sign of health.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Late Night
I really should be asleep right now. I've got school tomorrow, and I still need to finalize some plans in my head. The last thing I should be doing right now is blogging. But, I'm doing it anyway.
Today as Kyle and I were driving home from church we turned on the air conditioner. We were in my car, and normally the ac turns on immediately with cold air. Today, however, the ac made a funny noise and never completely cooled down. We think that there must be a problem. Now I don't know anything about cars, so it could be something as simple as putting freon in the car, or it could be more complicated. I'm not sure. The thing that I thought was wonderful, though, was that it's January, and we have a problem with the ac in our car. It's a problem that doesn't have to be fixed now. We can budget it in and fix it around March or so. Normally I would be, well, not in a panic, but a little nervous and stressed about how we would pay for a car repair. This time I was able to see that God is taking care of us with this car repair. It could have happened in the middle of the summer, but it happened in winter. So I am thankful that I have an ac problem.
Today at church Keith said that it's a big deal for us to be able to go through dark times and still know that we have a good God. Now our car problem is not a dark time. It's just an inconvenience. But the other things that have happened this year have been dark. But even during the seemingly hopeless points, I knew and I still know that my God is good and that I can trust him. When I have had flashes of pain and hurt and grief, Kyle has reminded me that God is a good God. The song "You Are God Alone" says, "And right now in the good times and bad You are on Your throne. You are God alone." That is true. Today is not a bad time. God is still in control. Three months ago during the miscarriage was a bad time. God was in control. Six months ago in St. John was an incredible time. God was in control. One month ago during the death of two friends was a hard time. God was in control. Who knows what one month, three months, or six months from now will be like. But God is in control. And He is good. And He has always, always been faithful. He has never given me any reason to doubt Him. Even if we go through the death of another friend or a baby, God is still faithful in those times. Even if we have an awesome year full of great things, God is still faithful in those times. In all that happens, He is in control. We live for His glory.
Today as Kyle and I were driving home from church we turned on the air conditioner. We were in my car, and normally the ac turns on immediately with cold air. Today, however, the ac made a funny noise and never completely cooled down. We think that there must be a problem. Now I don't know anything about cars, so it could be something as simple as putting freon in the car, or it could be more complicated. I'm not sure. The thing that I thought was wonderful, though, was that it's January, and we have a problem with the ac in our car. It's a problem that doesn't have to be fixed now. We can budget it in and fix it around March or so. Normally I would be, well, not in a panic, but a little nervous and stressed about how we would pay for a car repair. This time I was able to see that God is taking care of us with this car repair. It could have happened in the middle of the summer, but it happened in winter. So I am thankful that I have an ac problem.
Today at church Keith said that it's a big deal for us to be able to go through dark times and still know that we have a good God. Now our car problem is not a dark time. It's just an inconvenience. But the other things that have happened this year have been dark. But even during the seemingly hopeless points, I knew and I still know that my God is good and that I can trust him. When I have had flashes of pain and hurt and grief, Kyle has reminded me that God is a good God. The song "You Are God Alone" says, "And right now in the good times and bad You are on Your throne. You are God alone." That is true. Today is not a bad time. God is still in control. Three months ago during the miscarriage was a bad time. God was in control. Six months ago in St. John was an incredible time. God was in control. One month ago during the death of two friends was a hard time. God was in control. Who knows what one month, three months, or six months from now will be like. But God is in control. And He is good. And He has always, always been faithful. He has never given me any reason to doubt Him. Even if we go through the death of another friend or a baby, God is still faithful in those times. Even if we have an awesome year full of great things, God is still faithful in those times. In all that happens, He is in control. We live for His glory.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Christmas
Kyle and I just got back from Oklahoma. Tomorrow we leave for Birmingham. It's never been a question of if we are going to see our family over the holidays. It's always just a question of how long we will be able to visit. We're really blessed in that we do get to see our family quite often compared to others.
I had to get out to deposit my pay check today and get some cash for our envelope system (Dave Ramsey, you know). I stopped in at the grocery store to get a fire log for my husband. I ran into a friend of mine while there. She asked me what the best Christmas present I received was. I stopped and thought and then realized that I had only received one gift. Kyle and I did not exchange gifts this year, and then we just drew names with his family. The awesome thing was that it was the first time I really realized that I had only received one gift. It just showed me what really makes Christmas feel like Christmas to me. I just want to be with family. If I could just spend the whole time with family (which we're doing this time) and not receive one gift, I would be completely content.
Very rarely do people get to experience what I have with my family and with Kyle's family. I am so thankful and so blessed. Even though there have been some very difficult experiences in 2007, there have been some really incredible ones too. God is good. He is always good.
I had to get out to deposit my pay check today and get some cash for our envelope system (Dave Ramsey, you know). I stopped in at the grocery store to get a fire log for my husband. I ran into a friend of mine while there. She asked me what the best Christmas present I received was. I stopped and thought and then realized that I had only received one gift. Kyle and I did not exchange gifts this year, and then we just drew names with his family. The awesome thing was that it was the first time I really realized that I had only received one gift. It just showed me what really makes Christmas feel like Christmas to me. I just want to be with family. If I could just spend the whole time with family (which we're doing this time) and not receive one gift, I would be completely content.
Very rarely do people get to experience what I have with my family and with Kyle's family. I am so thankful and so blessed. Even though there have been some very difficult experiences in 2007, there have been some really incredible ones too. God is good. He is always good.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Time
It has been a hard couple of months. Of course the miscarriage has been hard. That was at the end of September. I can't believe it's almost been three months now. Sometimes it feels as if time is just creeping by, and other times I wonder where it went. A friend of ours from Florida was killed in a car accident two weeks ago now. Kyle flew down for the funeral. And then Kyle's grandfather figure, Earl, passed away one week ago. Kyle went to George's funeral last Monday, and then we went to Earl's funeral on Friday. On Saturday we had a wedding. We've had some major highs and lows in the past few months.
My emotions these days are far from steady. I've always been a pretty sensitive person, but the past couple of months tears have flown freely in my house. My aunt has told me that tears are cleansing, and I believe her. It's been good to cry. Sometimes it's frustrating because I just want to be "myself" again, but I know that tears are good for me. I think that I'm beginning to realize, though, that I will probably never go back to being as innocent as I was before the miscarriage. I guess that struggles do that to you. Just like rain and storms eat away at the walls of a canyon, carving a beautiful path to explore, trials and difficult circumstances help shape me into the person that God wants me to be. Even though my emotions and feelings are far from dependable, my God is very dependable and steady. He doesn't change, and during times like these, that's pretty important.
Right now I'm wondering about God's timing. I don't know how it works. I don't need to know, but I still wonder. With the pregnancy, everything seemed to be perfect timing. Right now I can't help but think that if I got pregnant this month, that it would be the worst possible timing. But then I think that if I didn't get pregnant that I would be disappointed. I guess it's good that I'm not in control. That's not something that I always want to willingly relinquish. Sure, I say that I'm glad that I don't have the power to control things, but I think that at times I really do question whether God's timing really is better than my own. Of course, I know it is. I know that He sees the big picture. It's just hard to always feel like God's timing is perfect. I guess that's why feelings are not trustworthy.
I'm ready for this year to be over. I don't want to forget the pain, though. It reminds me that one day there will be no more pain. That sounds like a completely obvious statement. What I mean is that it gives me something to look forward to even more. One day, I'll be able to glorify my Father in heaven. There will be no more loss. That's definitely hopeful. I'm not a "mystical" thinker. I like knowing things and having faith. I like having faith that there is a God and that He sent His son Jesus to earth. I like having faith that the Holy Spirit is guiding me and directing me. But sometimes I get a little uncomfortable with some of the mysteriousness of faith, especially the whole heaven part. It's always weird to me to picture people in heaven and imagine seeing them there, like there is this other little community where people walk around and have conversations with people that used to be dead. Part of me thinks that there won't be conversations like this, that we'll all just be so enamored with our Father that all we will want to do is sing and praise and glorify. I can't help but feel, though, that George met my baby when he arrived in heaven. So did Earl. The Sunday before last we sang a David Crowder song that has the line, "Majesty, finally," in it. I couldn't help but hear George singing this song with his hands up in the air to Jesus. Maybe the loss of some people in my life has caused me to look more towards heaven. That's probably not a bad thing. I just hope that I'm glorifying my Father here on earth just as much as I will in heaven.
My emotions these days are far from steady. I've always been a pretty sensitive person, but the past couple of months tears have flown freely in my house. My aunt has told me that tears are cleansing, and I believe her. It's been good to cry. Sometimes it's frustrating because I just want to be "myself" again, but I know that tears are good for me. I think that I'm beginning to realize, though, that I will probably never go back to being as innocent as I was before the miscarriage. I guess that struggles do that to you. Just like rain and storms eat away at the walls of a canyon, carving a beautiful path to explore, trials and difficult circumstances help shape me into the person that God wants me to be. Even though my emotions and feelings are far from dependable, my God is very dependable and steady. He doesn't change, and during times like these, that's pretty important.
Right now I'm wondering about God's timing. I don't know how it works. I don't need to know, but I still wonder. With the pregnancy, everything seemed to be perfect timing. Right now I can't help but think that if I got pregnant this month, that it would be the worst possible timing. But then I think that if I didn't get pregnant that I would be disappointed. I guess it's good that I'm not in control. That's not something that I always want to willingly relinquish. Sure, I say that I'm glad that I don't have the power to control things, but I think that at times I really do question whether God's timing really is better than my own. Of course, I know it is. I know that He sees the big picture. It's just hard to always feel like God's timing is perfect. I guess that's why feelings are not trustworthy.
I'm ready for this year to be over. I don't want to forget the pain, though. It reminds me that one day there will be no more pain. That sounds like a completely obvious statement. What I mean is that it gives me something to look forward to even more. One day, I'll be able to glorify my Father in heaven. There will be no more loss. That's definitely hopeful. I'm not a "mystical" thinker. I like knowing things and having faith. I like having faith that there is a God and that He sent His son Jesus to earth. I like having faith that the Holy Spirit is guiding me and directing me. But sometimes I get a little uncomfortable with some of the mysteriousness of faith, especially the whole heaven part. It's always weird to me to picture people in heaven and imagine seeing them there, like there is this other little community where people walk around and have conversations with people that used to be dead. Part of me thinks that there won't be conversations like this, that we'll all just be so enamored with our Father that all we will want to do is sing and praise and glorify. I can't help but feel, though, that George met my baby when he arrived in heaven. So did Earl. The Sunday before last we sang a David Crowder song that has the line, "Majesty, finally," in it. I couldn't help but hear George singing this song with his hands up in the air to Jesus. Maybe the loss of some people in my life has caused me to look more towards heaven. That's probably not a bad thing. I just hope that I'm glorifying my Father here on earth just as much as I will in heaven.
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