last year

Tonight at home team someone brought up the death of a friend that occurred last December. Kyle and I actually lost two friends last December. One lost a long battle with a brain tumor. The other was tragically killed in a car accident. Being reminded of those deaths made me think what a tough year we had last school year. Two miscarriages and the deaths of two friends. What a difference a year makes.

I started thinking about how this current pregnancy has really helped me move past the miscarriage last September. To feel this baby move is completely unbelievable. It's so incredible to think that there is a tiny human being growing inside me. I don't understand the details of how it works, but I think it's such a reminder of what an incredible God I serve. Today Kyle's sermon was about the blind man being healed in John 9. At the beginning of the chapter the disciples ask Jesus who sinned in order to cause the man to be born blind. Jesus responds by saying, "Neither this man nor his parent sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life." I have always thought that if the death of our first child helped draw someone closer to Jesus then it would be worth it. But I haven't seen that happen. I think I'm beginning to realize that I might not always see the work of God be displayed in that person's life. It might be something that happens years down the road. I've finally come to grips with that.

I also began to ponder the wives of my friends that died last December. Their stories are completely different than mine. I have hope and excitement now because God has given me another child to experience. But these lovely and Godly women don't have a new life to celebrate. But yet that same verse applies to these women. We've experienced loss, but through it all our Lord can use this to display the work of God in our lives.

Death is hard. Loss is not easy. I honestly don't believe we're meant to understand it all. But, I know that our God is good. I know that He's bigger than death. And if something horrible in my life can be used to draw others close to our wonderful Jesus, then in the end that's all that matters.