Update--Just for Jennifer =)

I am feeling good tonight. We paid off the last of our credit card debt just a few hours ago. We are past Baby Step 1 and Baby Step 2 in Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University! Woo hoo! I actually feel safe right now because we have a budget. I'm really excited to see the way that our finances look five to ten years from now. Sometimes during those classes I feel like an idiot because I don't always completely understand the details of investments and the ins and outs of insurance, but we're going to just keep plugging away and sticking to our course.

I actually was just looking in my Bible for a verse from our class that talks about that principle. I found a different one instead. Proverbs 16:9 says "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." I thought it was rather ironic that that is the verse I turned to. I have made many, many plans in my young twenty-seven years. I have always been a motivated planner. I'm not the best at keeping the plan completely organized, but I know the plan and I follow the rules. When I wanted to lose weight last year, I followed the rules and I lost twenty pounds. When I became pregnant I cut out the caffeine and the diet soda because that's the rule. I don't get traffic tickets because I follow the rules. Kyle and I are doing Dave Ramsey, and we follow all the rules. I am a great rule follower. Sometimes, though, my best laid plans and rules are not going to get the results that I want. That's sometimes a hard thing to realize. No matter how hard I try, sometimes I just can't do it on my own. In fact, I'm learning that I never can do it on my own. My plans, no matter how big and mighty, might not be the best plans. God's plans are the best plans. So, I may plan out my life (you know, get pregnant, have the baby right before TAKS testing, have maternity leave that goes straight into summer vacation), but God has a better plan.

Please don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that God wanted our baby to die. I'm just saying that God is going to use whatever happens in Kyle's life and my life to make his name known. Kyle and I may never have a baby. That might just be the plan. And please don't write off my musings as the ramblings of a negative person. I am just speaking truth. Kyle and I may have lots of babies (Heaven helps us!). We don't know. As much as I like to know the plan, as much as I like to follow the rules, there is a great beauty in letting go. There is a great freedom in knowing that I don't have to take on the burden. So, for right now, I'm going to sit back, talk to God, love His people, and enjoy the ride that is life. Sometimes you hear people tell the story about how your life is a tapestry being woven by God, and when you get to the end, you look back and see that even the difficult and seemingly ugly parts weave to form a beautiful picture. Maybe it's bigger than that. Maybe it's about how Kyle's life weaves into my life and my life weaves into someone else's and so on. Maybe it's one giant tapestry throughout mankind. Maybe God's trying to weave a tapestry to show how holy and awesome and powerful and mighty and great He is. Maybe this tapestry is a beautiful piece showing how God loves each of us, showing His pursuit of us. I don't know. I hope that my theology is not off. Kyle, if it is, then let me know. I want to think rightly about God.

Anyway, that was a long post. And Jennifer, it was for you. There's our discussion on the couch for today. I'll talk to you later on this week. =)