Week in review

This week has been a tale of two halves. The first half of the week was very challenging. There were many tears. The second half of the week definitely had more hope. There were still tears, but they were different tears.

Last night I went out to dinner with two friends. We had a great time. We did fondue, so it took a long time. It was just good to talk together and cry together. It was just a good night. Not to mention the food was so yummy, especially the chocolate. We had the pecan caramel chocolate blend, and it was just divine. I could have wallowed in that stuff.

Yesterday I saw one of my co-workers. She was three weeks ahead of me, I think, in our pregnancies. She's beginning to show. It was the first time that I saw a pregnant belly and had a twinge of jealousy and pain. I have heard that is actually very common. I'm still very happy for the people that I work with that are pregnant. Children are such a blessing, and these ladies that I work with are so sweet and kind. They are the type of people that should be having children because they're such good mothers. I hope that one day I'll fall into that category.

As soon as we found out we were pregnant we began looking for updates online to see how much the baby had grown this week, or how big the baby should be, or what organs developed this week. As soon as I got home that Tuesday that we found out that the baby had died I tried to unsubscribe us from those e-mail updates. We still get them, though. Apparently I didn't do it the right way. Yesterday there was an e-mail saying how big the baby was at 14 weeks. It was very sad for me to see that. My doctor's appointment is on Tuesday. It will be interesting to hear what he has to say about trying again. Initially Kyle and I were both very nervous about becoming parents and having a family. I was honestly nervous about losing time with him. Now I feel selfish for ever feeling that way. I know how Kyle and I are. I know that we'll still make time for us. I know that we'll both stumble our way through parenthood making mistakes and learning from them, hopefully. I just want to get that opportunity.

Anyway, I trust God. I think that even though this has been the hardest thing that we've ever gone through, we have been supported by so many people. We have been cared for by the hands of Jesus because we are surrounded by people who love Him. That reminds me of my life as a Christian. It's not a job to love people. It's not a job to care for people. It's just who we should be in Christ. Because the character of Christ loves and cares for people, and Christ is in me, then it is part of my character to love and care for people. Please continue to pray us through this. Please continue to pray that Christ in me will be obvious to the people I know and love and meet on a daily basis.